Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Amber Justine...

At 17 I had my baby girl Amber Justine. I was the cliche teenage father, I was just another statistic.

Throughout her life I've struggled time and time again with myself. My role in her life was simply that of a part-time-father.

In search of prosperity, I moved from Virginia, to New Mexico, to Ohio, to Illinois, to South Carolina, to Arizona... and so forth.

All the while I sent photographs, letters, care packages, drawings, poems, basically anything I could use to communicate my love for her. Somehow I hoped that in my absence these objects might embrace her, warm her, nurture her... sustain her.

Today, halfway around the world, I can't help but to think of Amber when my wife Jasmine and our son Levi-Joseph wake from a lazy afternoon. She shuffles the comforter off and "POP" her tummy displays its six months of growth. I wonder, as I often have, what have I missed in my daughter's life?

Having had the opportunity and blessing to be a full-time father to my boy, I completely imagine and know what I have lost. I also know that Amber has been shortchanged.

Despite my shortcomings as a father in her life Amber and I continue to define our relationship on our own terms.

Her compassion and infinite understanding of me is profound....


perlanegra said...

thats really honest. and thats the most she can ask for. the older she grows, the better she will understand.


Amber actually has always had a really fascinating compassion and understanding about our relationship. She has always been very open and honest with me. I can only hope that it continues.